It’s been a little over a month since I last posted here. So much has happened since then.
In late June we attended the JCNY (Jesus Culture New York) with our good friends, the Brills. It was amazing. Well, mostly amazing. Driving a car with no AC back and forth from Lake Hiawatha, NJ to Long Island is definitely less than amazing, but the rest of it was amazing. The worship, as expected, was incredible. We found out for sure (which we had heard before the conference) that Jesus Culture was recording their latest live album during the conference, which comes out sometime in November, I believe.
The speakers were great too. I need to listen to each message probably another 5 times or so, but Bill Johnson spoke on the power of God’s presence in our lives, and Banning Leibscher spoke on being a spiritual Game Changer – so good.
A couple weeks later we attended the Vineyard East Regional Conference in Syracuse, NY with about 20 other people from our church. While this conference was much different than the JCNY conference, it was also amazing.
As I’ve had some down time over the past few days to think over things, I realized there was something I was looking for out of each of these conferences that I didn’t quite find. And maybe it wasn’t fair for me to expect it.
Healing. Specifically, emotional healing.
I’ll spare you all the details of everything that has happened this year, but in some regards it’s been a LONG year. I don’t say that to say “oh woe is me.” It’s simply the truth. We’ve been through a lot, and every time it seems one storm has passed the next is right on its heels.
It leaves you feeling, emotionally, like you can’t catch your breath at times. I’ve had to deal with anger a lot this year, over a number of different issues, and it hasn’t been pretty. And many times I haven’t done a very good job of it.
But I’m trying. I feel like I’m getting up and fighting – fighting to be a better person, a better husband, a better father. Fighting to not let the hurt and pain take me to a place I don’t want to go.
Sometimes, that’s all you can do. Actually, sometimes all you can do is just get up and stand – “…and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Eph 6:13)
So, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m standing, trying to fight, trying to move in the right direction.