Personal
Who Saves Your Life From the Pit
2…who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion… (Psalm 103:4)
I’ve been thinking about this verse lately, and it, and the feedback I received from my last post, sparked me to share another personal story I hope will be helpful.
There are a handful of times in my life where I’ve felt like I’ve been at my lowest – Joel Stephen’s funeral, the loss of our first baby due to miscarriage, finding out my dad had Leukemia. I found out this year that those weren’t my lowest points.
Let me share some background information. For as long as I can remember I have had an “anxious” personality, for lack of a better term. I was the kid who said, “guys, I don’t think we should do this – we’re going to get in trouble” to Dan and Dave Fitzgerald, oh, a million times or so growing up. I was the kid who got nervous that the class was going to get in trouble in 4th grade. I was that college student who dry heaved before every speech in his Comm 101 class.
This year I learned that I’ve been the guy who’s been anxious about what other people think about him for a long, long time. Only this time my anxiousness manifested itself at and through my work – to an extreme extent.
It seemed to start early in the year, January or February. And it got worse and worse and worse. Getting up in the morning was a chore. I woke up in panic sweats. I tried to stay up as late as possible, because I knew going to sleep meant that I had to get up in the morning and start the process all over again. At times I lost my appetite pretty much all together. I second-guessed every single decision I made at work, for fear that I would screw up and “get in trouble” (whatever that even meant)
It finally got to the point where one morning I pretty much refused to go to work. I called in sick and that was that. Danielle begged me to go. My mom begged me, then came over, prayed with me, and I still wouldn’t go. Finally dad called. I could tell he was worried. He told me I HAD to go. He even offered to drive me himself. I finally made it in, but things didn’t seem to get any better.
Fast forward a bit. My parents were awesome enough to plan a night of prayer with some close family and friends. I would like to list them here and give them the respect and honor they deserve for pouring into my life that night. In no particular order: rob and Cindy Fitzgerald, Mike and Mindy Yoder, Jay and Ashley Smith, Lon Williams, Bruce and Marilyn Clark and, of course, my parents.
What they did that night means more than they will ever know. They spoke life and encouragement into me. They prayed for me. They listened to my heart. My dad spoke such amazing things into my life. He even told me I was his hero!
And yet, the next day, the problem was back. It persisted until sometime in July or early August. I remember sitting at Liberty Bible church listening to Lon’s teaching in the “Faith: It’s the new safe” series, and I literally felt a weight lift off me. That may sound melodramatic, but that’s what I experienced.
Looking back now, the depression I felt didn’t make any logical sense. It was a great point in my life. Work was going well. We had a new amazing baby boy, were in a great church, etc. There was nothing to be depressed about, but I still was.
If you’re going through a similar experience, there is hope. Hope that can only be found in the love of Jesus. There is hope when you are at the lowest of lows. He is the only won that can provide real hope and real answers.
Hang in there. Talk to a friend. Get prayer. Hang on to God. Even if that is all you can do, just hang on.
Remember, he is the one who can rescue your life from the pit.
Penn State Anger
0As the news of sex scandal at Penn State continues to come out I’ve found myself incredibly angry and emotional, a little more than I thought necessarily appropriate. I’m incredibly angry at what happened to these innocent children. I’m upset that the career of one of colleges most-respected coaches has to end this way. I’m upset that something this heinous was allowed to happen.
I’m not sure what I think should happen to Joe Paterno. Doesn’t really matter at this point, since he’s already announced his retirement. Should he have called the police or made sure more was done to follow up on the allegations? Probably. But, what if he had and nothing had been done then, then what? Should he have forced the police to do their job? At what point would people have declared that he had done “enough”? Would it even have been possible? It’s hard to say. I just know that it’s incredibly sad that his legacy will be tainted in this way, after all the great stuff he has done for so many young men, for the university, for college football in general. It’s so very sad.
That is in no way meant to diminish what happened to these young men. That is far more tragic than any “injustice” done to Joe Paterno.
Before I continue, I should note that this post will cover some graphic topics. You’ve been warned.
It wasn’t until today that it hit me as to one of the reasons why I’ve been so angry and emotional.
I had an experience similar to the victims in this story when I was around their age. I was never raped or made to perform a sex act on someone, but I was violated by someone I considered a close friend. There was kissing and inappropriate touching, and I’ve never forgotten about this unfortunate incident.
I think over the years I’ve tried to forget that this ever happened. You know, out of sight, out of mind as they say. I’ve never wanted to embrace the victim mentality, to make any sort of excuses for my behavior based on what happened to me, etc. etc.
In fact, I’ve only ever told 3 people in my entire life about this experience. But I felt like now was the time to share, in hopes that something like this can be prevented in the future.
While I cannot fathom the pain, etc. that these boys (now young men) have and will continue to go through, I can relate, perhaps better than some.
As I was growing up this incident really affected me, even when I didn’t realize it. Sometimes you wonder if you are somehow complicit in the act. “Why didn’t I fight it off more, if I knew something was wrong?”. “Why did I let this happen?” The questions go on and on. There were times when I wondered if I was perhaps gay, since the incident happened with another male. I’ve had to live with the fact that my first kiss experience happened in such a tragic way.
Probably worse than the effect this has had on me is knowing that similar things happened to other people at the hands of this person, and if I had brought more attention to what happened to me, they may have been prevented. It’s incredibly painful to think about that. I know that you can’t live your life in regret, but to know that it might have made a difference is a hard pill to swallow.
My hope in telling my story is that it helps prevent a tragedy like this from happening to someone else. Many times we’re told to watch for signs of kids being abused, but what if there are no signs? I don’t even know what all the signs are myself, but I’m fairly certain I haven’t exhibited such signs.
My advice is to be there for your kid or for kids that come and talk to you. Really listen to them and try to read between the lines when possible.
Also, if you’ve experienced abuse, please tell someone you trust that will help you. I know that it’s incredibly painful and awkward, but if it can prevent that kind of pain for someone else, it is completely worth it.
Goo Goo Dolls Come to Mansfield
0The Goo Goo Dolls played at Decker Gym on Sunday, October 24. We were fortunate enough to get tickets and went to the show with our friends Dan, Andrea and Roxanne.
The show was AMAZING! We caught the tail end of the opening act and got decent seats for GGD.
The guys seemed down to earth (as much as you can tell watching someone perform) and even joked about how long they’d been around saying, “most of you were 3 years old when this song came out.”
The following are some videos I was able to capture and get out on YouTube.
The Appearance of Evil?
3How many times have you heard “abstain from all appearance of evil…” in reference to some situation in your life or in the lives of others? This comes from 1 Thessalonians 5:22.
The more I’ve read about this verse recently, the more I’m convinced that we aren’t applying it properly to our lives. Here’s why.
As Christians, we are supposed to be like Christ. Yes, we fail, actually we fail most of the time, if you’re honest with yourself. That doesn’t mean we don’t try, obviously.
Here’s the thing. I’ve tried to make this point before, and I don’t believe it came off correctly. I hope it does this time. Jesus did many things during His time on Earth that were considered “evil” by the religious establishment of His day. Just a few examples:
- He spent time with prostitutes
- He associated and spoke directly with women (which was against the culture of the time)
- He “worked” on the Sabbath by healing people
- He was accused of being demon possessed
- He was accused of being a drunkard (Luke 7:34)
And the list could go on and on.
Let me be clear – Jesus did nothing evil. But it was considered evil by many at the time.
Let’s go back to 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Now, we know that the Word was God and the Word is God, and Jesus was referred to as the Word become flesh. If that’s the case, He can’t contradict Himself.
If that’s true, why do we see Jesus clearly not following the warning of 1 Thessalonians 5:22? I believe it’s because it doesn’t mean what we’ve taken it to mean.
I believe it means actually avoiding things that are evil, or sin. Jesus never sinned. We know that. But he clearly did not “abstain from all appearance of evil.”
Does this mean we go out looking to do things that appear evil? Of course not. But we should be very wary when people warn us not to do things because they appear to be evil.
For example, playing cards has been considered evil, going to the movies has been considered evil, etc. etc.
Let’s not get so wrapped up in avoiding the appearance of evil that we miss out on what God has for us.
God is Faithful
2I thought today would be a great time to share a testimony of God’s faithfulness in our lives over the past 18 months.
As many of you know, we had a miscarriage in March of 2009. It was an event that almost devastated us. I questioned God. I was angry at Him. How could He let this happen? He could have prevented it and He didn’t. Why? Why? Why?
Life isn’t fair, unfortunately. Bad stuff happens for no apparent reason. Although God was working throughout the whole situation, even though I couldn’t see it at the time.
We have met so many people who are struggling with miscarriages and attempts at pregnancy. We’ve grown to love each of those people and we can truly empathize with what they’re going through.
We know the joy / pain of having friends get pregnant, while month after month we couldn’t conceive. It wasn’t fair. We hurt so deeply ourselves but were happy for those friends and family as well. It’s such a hard situation.
And then the past couple months. Something has been different. God has really been moving at our church and in our lives. I practically forced Danielle to come up front for prayer with me a few weeks ago, and this may sound hokey, but I felt God birth something in me. Or maybe more like a rebirth. I regained much of the passion that had been missing in my life. I feel like I’ve become more outspoken (to some people’s chagrin).
I was even able to have a in depth conversation about my beliefs and feelings with my boss and his wife!
That next week I gave a testimony in church of God’s moving in our lives.
Then mom gave a testimony a couple weeks later, I believe.
We met with Pastor James shortly thereafter, and he shared that he felt we needed to open our hearts to other options (adoption, foster care, etc.). We were receptive to what he had to say.
Shortly after that we ended up watching a sweet baby boy for just 1 night and we both agreed that we were OK not having kids for a while. Have a 1-year old is a lot of work!
Not 2 days later Danielle found out she was pregnant! We just had our first official appointment this past Friday (09/10), and we got the official news.
I turned 30 on 09/09. What a birthday present. I had decided a while ago to get a tattoo in remembrance of Enoch, our baby from our first miscarriage. Because Danielle couldn’t get one now, I decided to get one that said God is faithful, which was something I was planning even before we found out.
I saw all this to say, if you’re going through a hard time, turn to Jesus. He’s the only ONE who can get you through and work everything for your good and His glory!
To our friends that are still struggling, please know that we love you. We ache for you. We’re praying for you, and God loves you!
From the Boyer-Turner Wedding
0Just wanted to continue my new tradition of blogging from wedding receptions.
We’re here at the Boyer-Turner wedding near IthacA at the Benn Conger Inn. This place is amazing, and as an added plus it has free WiFi!
Congratulations KT and Chase. We love you both and can’t wait to be down-the-street neighbors!
From the Main Twist
0Just posting from the Main Twist in Mansfield.
Someone has free WiFi. I’m assuming it is from Night and Day. Whoever you are…thanks!
Our Fifth Anniversary
0Thi weekend we celebrated our Fifth anniversary. Time really has flown by.
We’ve been through what I would consider a lot in the past five years. I won’t go into it all, but it’s been pretty wild.
This past year has been especially tough, with the miscarriage and everything that has come along with that experience. But I know that we’ll make it through with God’s help, even though He seems distant at the moment.
We are coming up on some interesting and exciting life changes over the next couple months, even though some of those changes will be tough. It will be interesting to see how everything plays out.
We celebrated by going out to dinner at Lambs Creek with my parents, grandparents and my aunt and uncle from South Carolina on Friday night. Tonight we went up to the mall to do some shopping. Danielle picked up some more of the Lego DS games, and I got the Tiger Woods 10 for the Wii with the Wii Motion Plus accessory. Can’t wait to try it out tonight! We will be extending the celebration into tomorrow when we go to see the new Transformers movie.
I am a blessed man who found the love of his life pretty easily.
I love you, Danielle.